Snippets of advice for Diego Garcia
by wordgeek1000
Summary: The Do's, Don'ts, and Must nots. Here is how to survive on Deigo Garcia. (Please read and review! If you have ideas, then send them in, I will include them when I am next able!) [Semi-Hiatus]
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hiya everyone! wordgeek1000 here, (still kicking those keys) and back with a new story! Many of the stories on here are rule book stories on how to survive various situations or life in certain bases, and I thought I would jump on the bandwagon! Here you go!**

**(Please read the other AN at the end, it has very important details in!)**

_Rule 1:_

**Do not call Galloway a hangman, then proceed to play the game with the soldiers while simultaneously mocking him at the same time.**

He will temporarily ban you from base, then have a shouting match with Epps, Will Lennox and General Morshower. I still have burst eardrums, and I was on the other side of the barrier at the ENTRANCE to the base.

_Rule 2:_

**Do not mess with Bumblebee's voicebox. **

Just don't. He was injured by Megatron, and that is enough to put scars on anymech. Messing with it only brings back horrible data files. The poor mech will then have to explain to the Hatchet why his radio is going crazy. It is especially inadvisable to tune it so it only play one song, because he (and everyone around him) will slowly go insane.

_Rule 3:_

**Don't scratch their paintjobs.**

It's as disrespectful as drawing on a human in permanent marker before they have to go before their superiors. Don't even THINK of doing it on Sunstreaker. You will not live to see another day.

_Rule 4:_

**Don't call Ironhide the tooth fairy.**

He will hunt you down, and nobody will give you any sanctuary. AT ALL!

_Rule 5:_

**Do not get into a logic based argument with Prowl.**

He will whoop your aft. No exceptions.

_Rule 6:_

**No swearing in the presence of Annabelle.**

She will quickly pick up on nearly any vocabulary that you use, (Cybertronian included.)and then proceed to ask either Sarah, Epps, Ironhide or Will what it means. Woe betide you if they find out that you were the one that said it.

_Rule 7:_

**Do not prank the Lamborghini twins. **

There's a reason they are the prank monarchs. Your life will soon be shown forever after as a montage of pranks that they did.

_Rule 8:_

**No stealing the soldiers chocolate.**

Being on an island, it is like snow in a erupting volcano. What little of it is left is quickly confiscated by the Hatchet. The soldiers soon get grumpy without it, and a grumpy Epps is not something you do NOT want.

_Rule 9:_

**Do not under any circumstances call Ratchet "the Hatchet."**

He will throw a cybertronian sized wrench at you. (And DAMN is his arm strong and eye accurate!)

_Rule 10:_

**Don't be disrespectful to Optimus Prime.**

He will get PISSED! (You will want to be on the other side of Cybertron, or have the Apex Armor.). The rest of the Autobots will back him up. {Since, you know that he is their leader and all... No? Will that be a space rocket then? ;D )

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**AN: Wow, had to write this out twice since I didn't save it first time. Oh well. **

**Reviews are like gifts from Heaven from you LOVELY readers, so please leave a review!**

**PS: Since I have nearly exhausted nearly all my rules, please leave suggestions and I will leave LOTS of credit where it is due!**

**wordgeek1000 out!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Hello again! Wow, 2 chapters in a weekend! You guys are lucky! Anyway, thank you to autobotgirlforever, here is the chapter you wanted, and thankyou to powergirl1, autobotgirlforver and CarsCars2Fanatic for following!**

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_Rule 11:_

**No singing "Me &amp; My Broken Heart" by Rixton around any of the bots. It will make them go into full panic mode.**

Ratchet will give you several deep scans, and Ironhide will swear vengeance to those who 'broke' it. Need I say more?

_Rule 12:_

**Avoid Galloway at all costs!**

Since you will probably be one of the only civilians on base (and that he hates) he will have a grudge against you. If you need to, use the air vents as a second route. Ask the soldiers for a map.

_Rule 13:_

**Don't get caught in the same sector of the base as where the (Lambo) twins were last.**

You may have a prank sprung on you.

_Rule 14:_

**With immediate effect, all songs containing sirens are to be banned off of the speakers.**

They're soldiers, vs the cons. Any sirens = attack or something worse. Anybody that makes them get up from whatever they were doing to find that it was a false alarm is going to be pretty annoyed. Good luck!

_Rule 15:_

**Don't prank Ratchet. PERIOD!**

Ask the twins about their punishments. Then put it into human form. Do you want to go through that?

_Rule 16:_

**Feel free to party when Galloway goes back to the US. **

Just make sure that he actually isn't on base when you make the plans. He may smell a rat. (Aside from himself that is. ;D )

_Rule 17:_

**No being a stowaway on one of the cargo planes to get escape the island.**

They will still find you. Besides, there is no seating, so you would be hard pressed to find a **comfortable **place to spend that very looong journey.

Expect pandemonium and a chewing out when you return!

_Rule 18:_

**If you want to speak to the Autobots privately, speak in a language that no HUMAN knows. **

Just an earth language will do. Something obsolete like Swahili, or Cantonese. Not many people know those on base.

_Rule 19:_

**Don't try your hand at Cybertronian.**

It will fail, and you will fail. Miserably! (You will also get a chewing out from Ratchet as for why you tried speaking cybertronian, then grumble continuously about how he wishes he could replace your vocal chords, but can't. [PS, speaking cybertronian WILL permanently damage your vocals, so do not expect to speak anytime soon.])

_Rule 20:_

**No scaring people and/or bots. PERIOD!**

They're a whole lot of highly strung warriors, with guns/cannons. Not to mention that most of them are trigger happy. (*cough*cough*IRONHIDE*cough*cough* ["What was that wordgeek?" "NOTHING! Hehehehe!"])

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**AN: That's all for today folks. Major props to all who have reviewed, favorited and followed. **

**wordgeek1000 out!**

**PS: I am running out of rules! I need more and urgently! (No rules = No story!)**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hiya guys! Sorry for late post, but this was on the school server and I normally post from home. [hehe *sweatdrop*]**

**Enjoy!**

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_Rule 21:_

**No alcohol on base!**

Drunks + guns = IDIOCY. While you are on DG, you will have signed a "No alcohol" rule, and EVERYBODY will enforce it.

_Rule 22:_

**NO FIREWORKS! PERIOD!**

Unless you have 2 weeks warning, and it isn't a Wednesday, and you have an unanimous vote from the entirety of DG, don't. Ironhide will kill you, Galloway will ban what is left of your ashes, and the soldiers will nick your chocolate.

_Rule 23:_

**No pyrotechnics!**

They have enough explosions on the battle field. Also, if something catches fire, while you are surrounded by water, there ain't gonna' be much left.

_Rule 24:_

**Time zones are to be referred in UTC time, to avoid confusion. **

Calling your family at Midday DG time (UTC + 6) might make it 1 AM in Minneapolis. Not good.

_Rule 25:_

**Air vents are not to be used to avoid check-ups**.

They will still find you!

_Rule 26:_

**Keep your boots on at all times**

Ya' never know what might be underfoot. (Pins, spikes, water, Energon)

_Rule 27:_

**Energon is NOT for human consumption!**

It is toxic to humans. Don't touch!

_Rule 28:_

**Computers are off limits unless you are off duty and have permission from a senior officer**

Secure line people. No logging in; the decepticons can track it.

_Rule 29:_

**Mobile phones. **

NO CALLING ANYBODY UNLESS IT IS AN EMERGENCY! They will be OFF at ALL times, and only turn them on if you need to send / receive a call. NO TEXTING!

_Rule 30:_

**Parents / Family**

You will get 3hrs a month to talk to them, and you can send as many letters as you like. (expect letters to be delayed by 2/3 days.) [NO CONFIDENTIAL DETAILS. NO MENTIONING THE BOTS!].

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**AN: Hope you had fun! Next chapter is on it's way, but seriously people! I NEEEEEEEEED ideas!**


	4. Chapter 4

_Rule 31:_

**Languages (part 1)**

English is the standard language on base. Anything else will get you yelled at. [*cough**cough*FIG!*cough*]. Just because the bots can understand it, doesn't mean that the humans can.

_Rule 32:_

**Languages (part 2)**

**If you wish to swear at someone, do it in a rare language. (Preferably one that only a few people know.) **

Some people *cough*cough*Galloway*cough* only knows English. If you wish to swear at him, do it in a language everyone BUT him speaks.

[Hrmm, where'd that Cantonese dictionary go… XD ]

_Rule 33:_

**If you prank people too many times, Lennox will declare open season on you. **

Funny as pit when you frame someone for it though! [I was wondering where ol' Hangman went! XD ]

_Rule 34:_

**While sand gets everywhere, you need not help it along into said "awkward" crevices. **

A] It itches like crazy.

B] It won't get out.

C] People will hate you for it.

Annoying much. Very.

_Rule 35:_

**No memes of people. PERIOD!**

There will be revenge. From plural sources. You will never see the light of day again.

_Rule 36:_

**Call Galloway "Hangman" if you wish, but be prepared for consequences.**

He will ban you from base.

[If you took part in the meme-athon, you will be court-martialed.]

[I'm not lying.]

_Rule 37:_

**Blowing an air horn in the wee hours of the morning will not gain you any friends.**

While it may be funny, you will find out just how cranky everyone can be.

[Woe is Galloway. He crossed the line the next day..]

_Rule 38:_

**While on leave, you will refrain from getting a hangover the night before you come back. **

It really does speak volumes about how much you LOVE us here at base. [A* in sarcasm XD ]

[Besides, nobody will have any painkillers for your headache, and nobody will keep it down when you have said headache.]

_Rule 39:_

**Sleep is important. The Grand Prix, less so.**

Would you rather be able to sleep and tape it so you can watch it at your leisure, or endure pit next morning from Ironhide in training because you perfected the art of falling asleep at attention?

_Rule 40:_

**However funny it may be, do not impersonate Galloway.**

I saw the poor soldier that impersonated him as Galloway walked into the room, complete with suit, tie, hair and glasses. It didn't end well.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Hiya! Whoops, only posting after 25 days! [*sweat drop* {AGAIN}]**

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_Rule 41:_

**For all intents and purposes, Galloway is to be referred to as Hangman with immediate effect. **

It's a lot easier to say that instead of "our esteemed presidential liaison."

[Just don't call it to his face or within earshot…]

_Rule 42:_

**No hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy jokes.**

They get enough of that from the soldiers, and only reinforces the fact that they are alien: something to be mocked.

_Rule 43:_

**While HumanXBot relationships are frowned upon, they are allowed.**

Hope I don't have to go into detail about this.

_Rule 44:_

**Maximum bets are 2 cents, [or whatever currency you deal in]. **

This is to stop you becoming broke while on base.

It's for your own good.

_Rule 45:_

**No skipping training sessions.**

Just because you were beaten up last time, it doesn't mean you be able to skip it this time. Besides, training makes you better, so you'll be able to beat someone the next time!

_Rule 46:_

**Ladies, [I shouldn't need to say this] but no fussing over your manicures.**

You're on a MILITARY base. Things are going to get ruined, and your nails are going to be one of them. FACT.

_Rule 47:_

**Wheeljack's lab is off limits.**

Unless you're part of the bomb disposal squad. Or you're a lab technician. In either case, good luck!

[You'll need it.]

_Rule 48:_

**Glitching Prowl is not allowed. **

You will be put into the brig. [Horrible place. *shudders*]

_Rule 49:_

**Soldiers on base have two personas.**

One for officials - where they may not be too kind to your feelings.

Two for the off times - where they gamble, swear and have fun.

If they are in one, turn around and walk away. They are in a meeting where you shouldn't be.

If they are in two, just watch out for superiors.

_Rule 50:_

**Superiors in the base are to referred to as The Boss[bot] **

Kinda obvious that one.

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**AN:I'll try to post more rules soon.**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Sorry it's been so long, I completely forgot about this story. [*Sweatdrop*]. Also, I've updated the previous chapter as well. [Nothing too big]. I'll try to update soon, but then again what happened last time. [*wince*]**

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_Rule 51:_

**If you have training or various exercises, please remind yourself of the phrase: "If you're not 5 minutes early, you're late."**

This is to avoid the bottleneck out of quarters or the canteen.

[Not nice if you are caught in it.]

_Rule 52:_

**While a little ribbing is acceptable, if we find you bullying, there will be open season declared. On you.**

Good luck! [Or not…]

_Rule 53:_

**Pilots [those of you among us] please **_**please **_**don't break the sound barrier too often. **

I'm practically BEGGING you here.

My ears can't take anymore…

_Rule 54:_

**Checkups are compulsory.**

I'm not saving you from the Hatchet. You may try to bribe/blackmail me, but I will accept/destroy it as necessary.

Good luck.

_Rule 55a:_

**If Wheeljack is testing an invention, make sure the rest of the base knows.**

This is only so that the blast bunkers can be ready.

I'm not joking. The explosions really are that big.

[There's a reason why he has a nickname of 'supernova on two legs'.]

_Rule 55b:_

**If Wheeljack has given you an invention to use, give it to Perceptor. He'll tell you if it's OK to use.**

If not, he'll even destroy it for you. :]

_Rule 56:_

**If you have blackmail of the twins [major and minor], feel free to stash it. You can get them to do favours for you.**

No, seriously.

Then again, you can always give a copy to another, and have that over them as well. Just don't do it in excess. They can [and will] get your baby photos, along with other assorted embarrassing videos or photos.

_Rule 57:_

**When upon first meeting the 'bots, be sure to pack a camera. This is a prime time to gather blackmail.**

Just no photos of the bots.

You'd be surprised about what Soundwave can hack and infer from. [*shudder*]

_Rule 58: [I-Don't-Have-A-Name123]_

**Whoever rigged the ballot for movie night so that stupid musical won SEVEN TIMES IN A ROW will regret the day they were born.**

"I still can't get the frigging songs out of my head. It's been three days! THREE!"

_Rule 59: [CarsCars2Fanatic]_

**Do introduce the 'Bots to music you think would suit them best.**

It's an _enlightening_ experience for everyone. [Just remember rule 14.]

_Rule 60: [AspenDragonLord]_

**While you may have internet, DO NOT INTRODUCE THE 'BOTS TO FANFICTIONS!**

This is in capitals because nearly the entire base will know what you tried to introduce them to.

One word. AWKWARD!


End file.
